June 30, 2013
Mayor Jack Seiler
City Hall
100 North Andrews Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Why Professor Vivaldi’s work should be the paradigmatic template for climatologists

Mr. Mayor,

“From our corner of the world, President Obama’s announcement
of a comprehensive plan to address climate change will also be a
major story in the weeks ahead. South Florida is uniquely positioned
whereby we are always directly impacted by changes to energy policy
and environmental policy at the state and federal levels. We need to
be extremely involved in the creation and implementation of the climate
change plan to preserve and protect our quality of life
and our economic and environmental interests.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You

If History is a guide the President’s plan has a half-life of about 6 days. Alas, that is about 5 sunrises too many. If you find 2 adults, people who operate heavy machinery or who handle sharp objects, discussing the President’s plan on July 4th Baker Act them straight into a rubber room where the door does not open from the inside and start them on a heavy Thorazine enema protocol.

“South Florida is uniquely positioned…” Shucks, I knew that in grammar school. Back then we had geography lessons. Plus, I was born and raised in Bayonne, NJ – AKA The Peninsula of Industry [Interested in gospel true NJ voting stories? Send a SASE] A cursory glance at a map - remember them? - would show that Florida is a peninsula. It is in a sub-tropic clime surrounded by 2 separate bodies of water. It would be passing strange if unusual weather events did not happen.

As to being “extremely involved…” here’s a radical plan to reduce the size of our city’s carbon footprint. Further, it will undrown the polar bears by lessening our dependence on fossil fuels. An ancillary benefit will be closing the hole in the ozone layer. Short of banning les merdes du Quebec I can think of no better way “to preserve and protect our quality of life and our economic and our environmental interests”.

All of the above will happen as soon, excluding sending the rotters back to Quebec, as you turn off all the A/Cs in city buildings. Then you must ban all A/Cs in new construction or renovations. It must be enacted posthaste. Look into making it retroactive. A tax on all existing A/C units must be enacted immediately. The colder you keep your home the more you pay in taxes. Alcohol, tobacco, and tanning booth taxes can be used as a model. Why A/C nursing homes? The quicker they die the better it will be for the Social Security Trust Fund. Why does our beer have to be that cold? You’re a Democrat, right? Call the President and see if he can stick an A/C tax into Medicare Advantage plans here. Margaritas without ice and warm beer will show our resolve. All I see here are win/win propositions.

The city may have a rough decade [or two] but the reward – a return to a preindustrial society - is worth the risk. As soon as the good people in Darmiscotta, ME and Wynona, MN realize what we are doing they will flock here. After all, who could be against saving the planet?



Kevin Smith


PS – 2 things
When I moved here from New Jersey I lost my favorite T-shirt. It said
SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT TO ME.
Could you help me find another? 2 XX. Dark color.
Carbon Dioxide is a pollutant. If you want to save the planet hold your breath and count ever so slowly to 4,000.