FL State Senator Steve Geller

June 19, 2008

Senator Steve Geller
400 South Federal Highway #204
Hallandale Beach, Florida 333009

RE: Congratulations!

Senator Geller,

As the only certified life coach and hackle raiser in Broward County I travel in search of the perfect specimen. I was in Texas for almost 3 weeks trying to bag the last of the Jim Hightower species. No luck.

I just got back when a friend called from Stonington, Connecticut. “Who is this horse’s ass?” he wanted to know. I cannot tell a lie. It was you. Dorothy was right. There is no place like home.

Your comments on off shore drilling have earned you the title

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK.

You said that any oil spill would despoil Florida’s beaches, wreck our economy, hurt all the creepy crawly creatures that bite and sting us, and would make les merdes du Quebec even worse. One of the hallmarks of modern American Liberals is that facts are never allowed to interfere with an argument. In 60 years of drilling in the Gulf of Mexico not one drop of oil has ever been spilled from an American drilling or production platform. Hurricane Katrina, the one that was started by Global Warming and President Bush because he “doesn’t like Black folks”, huffed and puffed but did no harm.

You are correct to worry about a possible oil spill. If banning all drilling in the Eastern Gulf makes you feel better then you must accept the Logical consequences of such a ban.

#1 – Turn off all air conditioners in your home and office.
#2 – As an elected official you must give up use of a private automobile. Public transportation must be your only means of travel. No exceptions. A look at your official bio picture suggests that you too are calorically challenged. A few hours a day on a bike or a skate board would do you a world of good. Plus, it would decrease your carbon footprint.
#3 – You must be an ardent supporter of the expansion of nuclear energy.

Would you know if there is a legislative remedy should Cuba and China begin to drill in the Florida straits? Would either country be subject to a legislative subpoena? Would the drilling entities be subject to American laws? How about Mexico?

Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama encourage drilling off their shores. Although there has never been drop of oil spilled in 60 years can the Florida legislature enact a law – Let’s call it Canute’s Law – that prohibits any oil from these states from entering Florida waters?

Perhaps you could get Congresspersons Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Ron Klein, and Alcee Hastings to introduce legislation banning ALL drilling in the Gulf. Perhaps you would introduce legislation in the Florida legislature banning the use of any petroleum products in Florida that came from the Gulf of Mexico

There is an argument to be made that if we are at risk anyway we should share in the bounty. We allowed Florida’s indigenous population – not from the Bronx – to establish not quite sovereign nation status so we could share in the swag generated by gambling. What’s the difference with drilling in the Eastern Gulf?

Am I writing too quickly for you?

Cars are fueled by gasoline that is distilled from petroleum. Domestic petroleum production is declining. We like the benefits of an advanced industrial society. There are Homeric amounts of oil and gas waiting to be tapped in the Eastern Gulf of Mexico. Drawing a line on a map does not stop a geological formation. If you think it can then you believe in the tooth fairy also. If you think it is good public policy to send money to a thug like Chavez or to robed people who stone women and think that living in the 13th century is kosher then continue your opposition to drilling in the Gulf. Speaking of kosher, oil is fungible. Once it is in a refinery no one knows where it comes from. That we buy and use oil from Iran is a given. Ergo, America is financing a country that wants not only to defeat Israel but to wipe it out. And you’re still in favor of banning drilling in the Eastern Gulf? Oy!

After a few months doing a Lance Armstrong-like back and forth to work you can change your bio picture, the one of you with more chins than a Chinese phone book, to one of you in Spandex. Next stop, Tour de France.

KS

P.S. – Did you know that France gets 75% of its electricity form nuclear power?