Senator B. Hussein Obama

June 20, 2008

Senator B. Hussein Obama
@Democratic HQ
430 Capitol Street, SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: What’s that smell?

Senator B.O.

It doesn’t pass the “bag test”.

I was introduced to the “bag test” by a dear friend whose modern American Liberal credentials were quite in order.

He voted for Henry Wallace.

The “bag test” is simple.

If there is a doubt or you just want to confirm something that is empirically self evident you put it in a bag. You close the bag and put it in a closet. Wait one day. Open the bag. Your nose knows. PHEW! Dispose of the bag in an environmentally sensitive manner.

While bellyaching about how “mean” this country is, while fretting over the unfairness of having to pay back student loans, your wife used her Ivy League education to do something warm and fuzzy for a hospital in Chicago. Her choice so a good choice.

You’re from, Cook County, Illinois. I’m from Hudson County, New Jersey. We have many things in common, particularly when it comes to politics. Let’s follow the bouncing balls and see where they lead us. If you forget to bring your bag don’t worry. I have mine.

1 – You are elected to the United States Senate.
2 – Your wife gets a $4,000 a week raise.
3 – Repeat 2. That’s $4,000 a week.
4 – You slip an “earmark” worth $1,000,000 into a bill.
5 – A Chicago hospital, your wife’s employer, gets the loot.
6 – What with the price of arugala and private dance lessons for your daughters thank God you were able to bring “the failed policies of the past” into the 21st century.
7 – “Bag? I don’t need no stinking bag.”

The kerfluffle about Muslim chicks wearing scarves getting the heave-ho from the photo session…brilliant. Your minions make the point that bearded women wearing shrouds would distort your message. The message, simply put, is that you ain’t one of “them”. It was a subtle first step. By next week you’ll be tossing back the Buds while devouring a ton of pork rinds while singing “If I were a Rich Man”. Meanwhile, you get to be a gallant gentleman. You telephone Fatima and her sisters and say that you are “shocked, shocked” to learn that such behavior is going on. You toss a few unknowns under the bus. Incidentally, it may be time for a bigger bus. It’s getting very crowded under the old one.

Like I said. Brilliant.

The rejection of public financing…brilliant. George Soros will give you rolled quarters if he has to. Like the legendary British labor leader, Jake Kite, said, “I’m on the bus. Ring the bell.”

Like I said. Brilliant.

I have to call the Guinness Book of Records.

I am going to need the world’s biggest bag for you. I may as well get my picture in the next edition.

Senator B. O.

You got your name the old fashioned way.

You earned it.