Rep. Ron Klein

June 11, 2008

Congressman Ron Klein
800 East Broward Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: Off shore drilling

Congressman Klein,

I just called your office in Fort Lauderdale. I asked if yesterday’s vote on drilling off-shore was in committee or in the full House. The man responding wasn’t sure, an admission for which he gets high marks, but he said “the Congressman was opposed to any off-shore drilling”.

The Logical conclusion of such a vote would be to introduce legislation mandating the removal of drilling and production rigs off the coasts of Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, and Texas. Logic is not the strong suit of modern American Liberalism so I doubt if we will see that. Further, it is good that Congressman Wexler, a man about whom enough bad things cannot be said, is so near to you. Every time he does or says something egregious, things which happen only when he is awake, he makes you seem like Solon.

I don’t know, what with your busy schedule, if you are aware of the fact that Cuba has granted China a drilling permit, an off-shore drilling permit, within their territorial waters. Since both are sovereign nations there is no chance of them responding to any Congressional resolutions.

Cuba has had 3 problems since Castro took over. The lack of breakfast, lunch, and dinner fleshes out the timeless observation of the legendary restaurateur and sportsman, Big Mike from Bayonne, when he said “that’s why you never see anybody swimming to Cuba”. China is a different proposition. 70,000 Chinamen were killed in an earthquake last month and they have a state funeral for a friggin’ panda. Perhaps I should end that last sentence with a question mark except it isn’t a question. It is a fact.

Do we want these people drilling 60 miles from Key West?

If you don’t want any American oil companies drilling in the Eastern Gulf of Mexico why should Chinese companies get a pass?

There has never been one drop of oil spilled into the Gulf from any of the 5,000 drilling rigs there. American oil companies are subject to American law. Do you imagine that the Hop Sing Oil Company will respond to a Congressional subpoena? Do you imagine that they will respond to a Federal Court order?

Far be it for me to pose a problem without offering a potential solution.
The Monroe Doctrine.

Just tell the Cubans and the Chinese that should they prepare to spud one well in proximity to the shores of Florida the United States Navy will guarantee a dry hole. In fact, because it’s so close to where we live, we can make it an all service show. The Air Force and the Army can get their licks in too.

Since we are protecting ptarmigan and wandering caribou in Alaska can we do less for Florida’s native symbol of victimhood, the manatee?

Of course, if you choose not to sponsor such legislation, would you not be duty, honor, and Logic bound to turn off the air conditioners in your offices?

A swift reply, be it bellicose or hot and sweaty, would be appreciated.