Senator B. Hussein Obama RE: Just 2 questions

July 8, 2008

Senator B. Hussein Obama
@Democratic HQ
430 Capitol Street, SE
Washington, CD 20003

RE: Just 2 questions

Precious Senator Bambi,

#1 One of your TV ads says that you worked your way through college and law school.

What kind of jobs did you have? Were they inside or outside? Did you use any tools? Did you do anything with cinder blocks or cement? Did you shovel manure? Did you stock shelves? Did you deliver the mail? Did you work in a freezer? Did you load trucks? Did you unload trucks?

You say that you were on the other side of the law when it came to drugs. You’re one up on me there strictly because of the age difference. I too was on the other side of the fence. I promoted, rather lucratively, petty gambling.

Can you list some of your jobs and your employers?

#2 – 4 years at Princeton resulting in a thesis that posits that being Black in America is…is…different. 3 years at Harvard Law School. Big time schools; big time education; big time job?

What in the name of Thomas More, Blackstone, Clarence Darrow, packing the Supreme Court, and being for gun control before being against it does you wife do for a living?

She is listed as “business diversity expert”?

I am usually impressed by political persiflage particularly when it is overwhelmingly obfuscatory. “Business diversity expert” seems to be lifted straight from Alice in Wonderland.

There are no minority owned PET-Scan companies.
There are no minority owned surgical equipment companies.
There are no minority owned drug companies.
There are no minority owned ambulance manufacturers.
There are no minority owned power companies.
There are no minority owned phone companies.

You have to get all the way down the ladder to the rung labeled “butt wipe” before you can “diversify”. “Wipe”, “Wiper”, “Wipee”, “Wipings” – The mind boggles at the possible combinations.

I know that your wife got a $4,000 a week raise when you were elected to the United States Senate. I know that you got her employer a $1,000,000 “earmark” right after that Eagle landed. If one were to connect those dots a case could be made for the “old politics” of mutual back scratching.

I prefer to take the alternative view. Things like that just happen all the time, particularly in Chicago, Illinois, AKA “Daley’s Little Acre”.

I can see now why your wife would be “proud”, very “proud” of the way things are turning out. Her big time pay check, your big time magic mortgage and Whole Foods welcoming you with open arms and bushels of fresh arugula and you’re living large.

I can’t wait for you to get to the White House.