Vice Deputy Mayor Jared Moskowitz, Parkland FL

July 10, 2008

Vice Deputy Mayor Jared Moskowitz
Parkland City Hall
6600 University Drive
Parkland, Florida 33067

Parkland, Florida

RE: A “Profile in Courage” moment for you

My dear deputy vice mayor of greenness Moskowitz,

Some people are born dumb.
Some people get dumb.
Some people have dumbness thrust upon them.

Is it possible we have a perfect storm Trifecta in Broward County?

Who could it be?

I’ll end the suspense.

If you’re in the line it won’t take long to call the roll.

Last week you decreed that Publix could no longer allow customers to use plastic bags.

It was based on a Luddite view of science. In fact, the sky is falling, the river is rising, polar bears are drowning, “WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE”, only rich White people can afford to be environmentalists ‘cuz we don’t care how many Black, Brown, or Yellow babies die because of our solipsism, head so far up your ass that you can do your own root canal scientific and cultural view that hold credence today because it oh so much easier to feel than it is to think

Thus I explain how you got – get - elected.

This week gives you the opportunity to score big points on the “We Care For the Environment Because It’s for the Children bandwagon.

Dara Torres, a Parkland resident, qualified for the Olympics in two different swimming events.

Her story is remarkable. It is one that we all can marvel at. It is one that politicians love to get in front of as if they were responsible for it. Her story should be told by a bard to an enthralled audience.

There is one little turd in the punch bowl. It’s like a fart in church.

When she swims she wears plastic.

If you don’t want customers at Publix to use plastic bags when they are carrying their arugula or endives how can you countenance her using an inorganic bathing suit?

Summon your minions into a formal council meeting. Pass a resolution that she wears either cotton or nothing. Should she ignore your advice she is to be shunned by Parkland. No parades, no key to the city. Instead, she is to be censured for putting herself above the needs of her soon to be charbroiled fellow citizens.

Geopolitically, Dara swimming in the buff would do more for Round Eye-Sino relations than a clone of WAL*MART showing up with a huge sack filled with cash.

I’m just kidding.

It’s just my way of getting your attention.

You’ve won another prestigious award.

You are now a member of the Broward County VIP club

That’s VIP as in Very Important Putz.