Senator Joseph Biden again

August 23, 2008

Senator Joseph Biden
1105 N. Market Street #101
Wilmington, DE 19801

RE: That hair, that smile – God’s gifts to an aging curmudgeon

Senator Biden,

Coach Jimmy Johnson isn’t running and Senator John “Pretty Boy” Edwards has gone to the island of lying, wick dipping politicians. “It’s OK to do the horizontal tango. My wife is cancer free.” Truly, a memorable pick up line.

That leaves you.

Is you hair the result of a Chia Pete transplant or a daily Gorilla Glues paste on and comb over? Do you and Senator Levin of Michigan, a man whose comb over begins in his arm pit, check each other’s six before going on the floor of the Senate? Do you think that Senator B. Hussein Obama, AKA “Bambi”, would look more favorably on you if you were to arrange your partly inorganic hair in corn rows?

There is a rumor that your teeth were made from ivory. If so I hope it was from some old circus elephant that died of dementia in Kansas rather than some young buck that was killed by one of Bambi’s half brothers.

Speaking of that, here’s a sporting proposition. Bambi has more siblings than John McCain has houses. I’ll put a few bob on the former. Care to get a bet down?

Is it true you have a BOTOX IV once a month to keep that smile going? Did you ever pose for a collection of Victor Hugo books?

I’ll be asking questions from time to time. Senator J. Forbes Kerry liked them. He was a fun guy too. Speaking of houses do you suppose we could send some of the exponentially expanding Obama family to any of the vacant ones? What ever happened to him?

You live in a state that Tiger Woods could get across 2 under par. Why in the name of carbon footprints everywhere do you 2 offices?