Letter to the Editor The Miami Herald

October 3, 2010

Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: “Cognitive Dissonance” – How the Miami Herald intends to survive and prosper – I don’t know if that is better than “enduring and prevailing” – in the Mother of all Battles to save trees.

Sirs,

From a mad cap mogul with millions to a novelist’s blind eye to gravity to yet more proof of the magnitude of the incompetence of Jimmy Carter to the need for a “shovel ready” stimulus program a la Cubana today’s Miami Herald shows why it will be there at the end! Don’t tell me about an itch unless you intend to scratch it.

Norman Braman wants to spend his own money – no borrowing from the Chinese, no dough from the BP shakedown fund, no money from TARP – to unemploy the Mayor of Miami. You oppose this because the Mayor ain’t a crook and because he is halfway through his term. Further, you are very upset that the underpaid County Commissioners cater to their districts’ parochial self interests [“crumbs for their districts” is how you describe it] rather than focusing on raising Miami to a “world class community”. The attachment to “world class communities” shows your eternal attachment to the ideas of the Great Society with its undying belief in perpetually blooming “rainbow stew” bushes.

Any political entity that indentures its citizens to build an undersize basketball arena, to build an arts center that has yet to feature the Mohammed cartoons with a background of Klezmer music, to dig a tunnel that will stretch to the Azores, to build a factory that will be used less than 90 times a year and to build it for a private entity without examining its books deserves to be flogged like a Muslim lady stepping out on Farouk. Mr. Braman is willing to spend his own money to tell us that not only is the Big Boss man naked but that he is mooning Miami. That Miami will soon be the model for mendicant metropolises is of no import.

Why do modern American Liberal media apostles always think that free speech only applies to them? If Mr. Braman wishes to enter the arena of public discourse, particularly if he asks no one else to pay for it, he should be encouraged by the Herald. The immediate argument for outlawing such expenditures is the Kennedy family. If it were Teddy Slojanowski would the people of Massachusetts have sent him to Washington for any reason other than getting him out of the state? Other than having the great good luck to pick the right grandfather would his son, the Putz from Providence, be doing anything in Rhode Island other than trying to figure which is the business end of the chum bucket?

If nothing more tangible than scaring the Bejeezus out of the whole cabal of hubristically challenged pols has happened Mr. Braman will have done well indeed.

Carl Hiaasen comments on the Cuban deep sea drilling program with his usual acute gimlet eye. Alas, he forgets the lessons learned from the BP spill.

If a Cuban well, drilled by the Chinese, blows out how will we know which neck to put our boot on or which ass to kick? Do you think the United States Navy will have a roll in administering the punishment? My memory is fading but wasn’t it Jimmy Carter who negotiated us into this anatomically impossible position? Do you think Dante could have a career as Secretary of State?

Absent the one element needed to bring Cuba totally into the modern world – a feral overclass of predatory plaintiffs’ attorneys – Cuba can only become Haiti with better recipes. Logic would dictate that Cuba either becomes North Korea with better weather or we’re going to need a Hellaciously larger amount of beans, rice, guayabaras, and mojito mix.

That’s why the scrapping of the Cuban safety net, a network of baseball, education, long distance swimmers, some Hemingway cats liberated from Key West, medical care, [Speaking of Cuban medical care why did some MDs from Spain have to treat the big guy? Is there anyone else in medical history who has had a belly ache for 4 years? Why is whatever he had a state secret?], Fidel’s excellent African adventure, a never ending love affair with any 1958 Chevrolet, some really cool green fatigues, a never ending list of American ninnies who think his miedra should be our helado, gives Miami a chance to become a really, really big “world class community”.

Jake Kite, the noted British Labor, used to swoon, priapristically, over the prospect of “all them corn fields and ballet at night”.

The History of the 20th century shows us that potatoes don’t grow on command. [Vide Lysenko] The lessons of Canute and the tides and Chairman Mao on using human excrement as fuel for backyard pig iron furnaces are being re-taught and relearned in Cuba in the 21st century.

500,000 Cubans are about to go from being underemployed and under fed to being unemployed. 500,000 is 4 times the number that Castro disposed of in the early days of Mariel and the glory days of the Carter administration.

[As confirmed by your article on Mariel and Carter, a “clod populist” of ginormous proportions, a man who was the definitive definition of a “horse’s ass”, a man who could bollix up both a wet dream and a two car funeral on the same day, a man who since he could not kick Teddy Kennedy’s almost steatyagonous ass was probably incapable of hitting the floor if he fell out of bed, he was the worst President of the 20th century. As long as John Adams and James Buchanan are around he can’t run the table.]

Let’s end the debate on immigration, legal or not, by sending every boat – a la Dunkirk – south of Savannah to Cuba. Fill them with Cubans and bring them to Florida.

Give each of them a shovel and a hod and the stadium will be finished by Thanksgiving. The tunnel will be done by Ash Wednesday. Everybody can have their own non-Mexican gardener.

If we can learn from Hudson County and Cook County they will be registered voters before their feet are dry.

Any people who can last 50 years with a bearded nit-wit thug running the show are capable of doing anything.

“The camel shits; the caravan moves on.”

Thank God for newspapers.




Kevin Smith