Mayor/Commissioner Ken Keechl

October 14, 2010

Mayor/Commissioner Ken Keechl
612 NE 26th Street
Wilton Manors, FL 33305

RE: I have moved from the “undecided” column

M/C Keechl,

I am fairly certain that I have been voting longer than you have been breathing. I know that I have never missed an election be it local, county, state, or Federal.

I just got today’s mailing piece. It is the one with the alligator on the front. It is the one where you promise “to protect our county from bad developers”. How about a plan to develop the alligators into hand bags, boots, and golf bags?

Here’s an alternative plan.

Why not put the more aggressive alligators on the golf courses?

That way we can have an outreach program to get them to give up their man eating tendencies. If it doesn’t work we can have a new definition of water hazard.

Not only will I vote against you but I will try to convince as many as 7 others to do the same. The reasons, thanks to your flyer, are self evident.

Shall we count the ways?

#1 – “Bad developers”? – Please tell me the criteria used to decide who is a “bad” developer. Likewise, what makes a “good” developer good? Who gets to choose before the fact? You?

#2 – Your flyer says that you “fought to stop offshore drilling off our coast”. I always mucked up the difference between deduce and infer but does that mean that you are in favor of “onshore drilling off our coast”? Does it mean that you are in favor of “offshore drilling onshore”? Exactly what the Hell does it mean? I do know that 30% of the gasoline used in this country comes from “offshore” wells. Should we give up our cars for one week per month?

Why not mount solar panels on the roofs of County vehicles? Florida ain’t called the Sunshine State for nothing.

Why not capture some Moby Dicks and Shamus? Pen them in the port. Train them to have borborygymous eructations once an hour. I can imagine nothing more

organic than clouds of whale farts cooling the county. The bonus is that you get to save some polar bears plus there will be no carbon footprint.

#2A – What if Cuba and the Bahamas start to drill off their coasts? The Broward Sheriff’s Office has a few high speed cigarette boats. Will you dispatch them to stop the drilling? Are you in favor of the United States Navy taking out Cuban or Bahamian drilling rigs? What if the Chinese are doing the drilling?

The image of you lashed to the mast, saber in hand, yelling “Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! Save the manatees!” needs the gentle hand of a Mel Brooks to bring it to movie theatres.

#3 – Why should you proclaim that you “saved the American Golf course”? If you have the power to “save” would that not mean that you have the power to “unsave” it? I don’t play golf. It is of no import to me whether it remains as a duffers’ paradise or
it becomes the main growing area should marijuana become legal.

What matters to me is that Broward County has interjected itself into a transaction between two law abiding citizens. If the government says it does not approve of conduct between two of its citizens because of aesthetic or environmental or political reasons are you in favor of government intervention in any other private transaction? “The wish of the Prince has the force of law” is still valid 5 centuries after it was written. Its gentle language does not mask the scent of thuggery.

It seems to me that the owners of golf courses do not need a “plan” to protect their interests. They all seem like big boys who can take care of themselves. If you “protect” them maybe you can dictate tee times. Maybe you can dictate one day a week for Section 8 Housing golfers. Maybe you can ban plaids and stripes. Maybe you can ban smoking on half of the holes. Maybe you should mind your own business and let free men decide what is best for them.

Besides, if you can think of anything more “shovel ready” than turning 18 holes into a marijuana field let me know.

The ongoing sin of modern American Liberals is that they so love mankind that they don’t mind riding roughshod over people.

#4 – You are proud of “help[ing] to kill the Calypso Gas Line off our coast”. Consider, please, the unintended consequences of so doing.

The overwhelming use of natural gas in Florida is to power electricity generating plants. At the present time 50% of the electricity generated comes from burning coal. By discouraging the use of gas you are encouraging the use of coal. When natural gas is burned there is almost no need for smoke stacks. Alas, that is not the case with coal. Full disclosure demands that I tell you that I was actively involved in the energy business, oil, gas, and coal for almost 20 years. I know whereof I speak. The alternative to oil, gas, and coal is nuclear power. I don’t think you want to go there.

Would not Logic dictate that, at the very least, Broward County should have an odd/even day moratorium on air conditioning? Isn’t that what was used during the last two gas crises? Let’s start with the all the county buildings in downtown Ft. Lauderdale.

For thinking I am an economic half wit I hereby name you

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

You have earned your title. Wear it proudly.

You are now in contention for the other two highly prized and greatly coveted awards.

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR


My next note to you will be dated November 2.





Kevin Smith