Father's Day

June 17, 2012

As Americans, a people well suited for exceptionalism, we treat ourselves to monthly outbreaks of epidemics. Teen age obesity, crumbling infrastructure, lack of self-esteem, indifference to the plight of ungendered or degendered people, drowning polar bears…the list is endless.

A new contender is bullying.

It being Fathers’ Day I am proud to say that I solved the particular problem of my daughter being bullied the old fashioned way. I told the father of the bullyer that if it happened again I would kick his ass so hard that he would have to take his socks down to crap.

My daughter was never bullied again.

As effective as the above was we must remember, as the DWEMs of ancient Greece told us, that no number of particulars can make a universal. Texas sized ass whuppings may not be the only answer. It is one answer.

I expect Lord Barack the Beneficent to issue an executive order outlawing bullying. I rather expect that the Oval Office ukase will be overshadowed by this year’s edition of the long running Summer of Recovery series.

Any social policy that is predicated on the premise that “There is no such thing as a bad bully” is preordained to fail. I add as an émigré from Bayonne, N.J. “and rightfully so”.

I am going out at noon to buy a case of Shiner beer. As a Board Certified Expert on American beer I can tell you on a scale of one to ten it earns a consistent eight.

A “one” rating means it could be any Anheuser-Busch product, chief of which is Budweiser. In more polite company either “I have had worse” or “It’s better than no beer at all” will do.

A “ten” says that you can consume it by osmosis and IV. Patches, like stop smoking ones, are being worked on and, yes, you can take it to the grave with you.

A case of bullying, potentially life changing bullying, was solved in Shiner, Texas a few days ago.

A Shiner resident heard his 4 year old daughter screaming in terror. He rushed outside to see a 40+ year old part time employee trying to tear his daughter’s underpants off.

The father beat the man to death

I don’t know if it will deter any other bully wanabees. I do know there is a guy on a slab in the Lavaca County morgue wearing a toe tag. It sure as Hell deterred him.

It’s what fathers are supposed to do.

Get some Shiner Bock and raise a glass to this Father of the Year

Happy Fathers’ Day!




Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET