August 19, 2013
Edward Wasserman
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL 33172

RE: “Will Press Power Survive the Age of Amazon”? – Some comments on your op-ed in today’s Miami Herald, an answer given by asking the question.

Mr. Wasserman,

Kidney stones. Shingles. Neuralgia. Another kidney stone. A-Fib, COPD & yes, I have both. 3 titanium joints Still more kidney stones. Being on a 2 man submarine with Hillary Clinton. Being handcuffed to former Vice President Alpha Gump. Listening to Jimmy Carter read the 1980 Democratic platform. Gift card from the proctologist.

When I finished your op-ed in today’s Herald I searched for things it reminded me of. I find it hard to pin-point because when I look at your picture and re-read your column I ask “When was the last time this friggin’ layabout swell wiped his own ass”?

Jeff Bezos & Amazon purchase the Washington Post and you think that the Koch Brothers potential purchase of the Tribune papers is troubling because of their “ideology”? God’s Holy Trousers but that is Guinness Book dumb.

Despite offering prescription drugs for $4 a month that a month previous had cost $42, Wal-Mart is hated by modern American Liberals because, inter alia, it forced Mom & Pop drug stores out of business. That a single mom, usually a woman of color, with a teenager in need of a good Ritalin program and an expansion of Midnight Basketball, benefitted disproportionately from this goes down the modern American Liberal memory hole.

And I might add that for every monopolistic, licensed to steal, Mom & Pop drug store that Wal-Mart re-introduced to gravity how many Mom & Pop book stores did Amazon do in?

Do you think if Hillary Clinton had stayed on as an outside Director of Wal-Mart that she could have stopped the commercial carnage caused by lower prices? By the by, do you think she would gotten that job if had just been a part time canoodler of Handsome Billy from Hot Springs and not his wife?

“But what will that sophistication mean?” is how you begin a paragraph. If I were to do that in the 7th grade of St. Mary’s grammar school in Bayonne, my teacher, Sister Joseph Dolores, SSJ, AKA “Hawkeye”, would have beaten me senseless. If I had complained to my father, the legendary Judge Smith, he would have completed her task.



We can stipulate that one of the reasons the newspaper business is embracing the China Goddess like a lamprey eel on a peripatetic pike is because people in the newspaper business, people like you, take it as a personal insult when they are reminded, reminded most forcefully, that “water is wet and stones are hard”.

Things like making enough money to pay their employees.

Things like realizing that contingent liabilities quickly become real liabilities.

Things like finding out that if no profit is possible the risk is obvious.

Things like if you insult the people who buy your paper they will stop buying it.

How about a new Woodstein investigation of whether or not Katherine Graham arranged for her half a bubble off plumb husband to get a weekend pass from the hatch he was a bobby in knowing that he would kill himself?

Former Speaker Foley began an investigation into whether George Bush snuck off to Paris in a Blackbird – SR71 – to put the fix in for Reagan in 1980 against clod Carter. He said the reason why he did it was because there was no evidence that it didn’t happen. Stretch it out for a few days. Get Dan Rather’s producer to dummy up some documents. Boffo box office.

Wasn’t there an Onion headline proclaiming

WORLD ENDS TODAY
WOMEN & MINORITIES SUFFER DISPROPORTIONATELY

Here’s a revolting thought.

The product as is sucked, sucks, and will suck.

Maybe every Croesus family in Christendom will not be able to put Humpty dumpty back together again.

There is an important lesson to be learned here.

Get someone to take you to Costco.

Whatever else they do they make the best toilet paper, bathroom tissue being for gender confused wanabee girly men, in the world.

Try it. You might like it.

If the New York Post could survive the Schiff family the Tribune papers will survive the Koch Brothers.

Hearst, McCormick, Sulzberger, Graham – All arguments in favor of a 105% inheritance tax.

I think some worry should be directed at the Sheikh of Araby and his puppet Ally Jazeery starting their own media outlets.

Do you suppose they will feature gay rights articles? Will they have a regular feature on “Some of my best friends are Jews”. How about pork recipes? Do you think their first day will announce a contest for the best Mohammed cartoon? Will they show live beheadings?

Forget about Stop & Frisk. How about Stop & Flog?

I close with some good news.

Your picture will now be on the recruiting poster for 2 exclusive adult awards

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR





Kevin Smith