August 7, 2013
Letter to the Editor
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Another modest proposal to “reset” relations with the Russkies and strike a blow for equality

Sirs,

Can we stipulate to the fact that Secretary Clinton’s “reset” button, the one with the Cyrillic letters, has become FUBARed beyond recognition? [FUBAR? – Send a SASE]

Here comes a chance to do it over and this time to do it right.

Last night, on the Jay Leno Show, the President talked about the upcoming Olympics in Russia. He spoke warmly about the balance beam, the swimming pool, track and field, wrestling, basketball, the bodies of finely tuned athletes glistening with sweat in the various arenas of competition.

Alas, the upcoming Olympics will have none of those games. It will have luge, figure skating, hockey, 12 kinds of skiing, marksmanship, - stuff like that. It’s what is done when the Olympics are played in the winter. Think, “Do you believe in miracles”? Not the Dream Team.

Also, the host country has said that if there is any same sex horizontal tangoing the players will go the Gulag. This must not be allowed to stand.

[As an aside, do you think the President can spell potato? Or is it potatoe? Maybe he could ask Vice President Quayle. I bet he knows. Or is it nose? Why is the K silent? Do you think someone in the 57 or 58 states that make up this country could give me an answer? And, speaking of the extra 7 or 8 states that the President discovered, don’t you think it’s time to order some new flags?]

Anyway, my plan for “resetting” relations with Boris and Natasha Lubyanka also gives us a chance to strike a blow for the Wretched of the Earth.

Lesbians, Gays, Bi-sexuals, regendered, ungenedered, nongendered, cross gendered, celibate sodomites, non-celibate sodomites, North American Man Boy Love fans, manatee sex slaves – Allah Almighty!, but the list is growing like Topsy.

These people need, so to speak, a boost.

Barney Frank and Rosie O’Donnell will lead the athletes into the arena.

Old Glory will be lavender.

The athletes will be dressed as Village People with non-White Hispanics wearing hoodies as penance.

The theme song will be “I Am What I Am” from La Cage aux Folles.

It will have a chilling effect if the guys from the Gulag find a new use for ski poles. On the other hand, can the slope be any more slippery than it is now?

Didn’t Obama ask Medvedev to tell Putin that he would be more “flexible” in his second term?

I think Putin just told him to bend over and he would drive him home. Is that a summer, winter, or year round sport?




KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLOSUTH.NET