February 1, 2015
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger Singer
350 Las Olas Blvd.
Fort Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: “Anticipation is the greater joy” – Maybe

Mr. Berger,

As I eagerly await the announcement of your firm’s decision to stop handling either side of any real estate transaction where the property is touched by saline water I need some environmental help.

An oaf with Miami/Dade Courthouse connections is now the point man of our Southern neighbor in out-Canuting Canute.

No sense asking him. He’s still trying to figure out what to do with his thumbs. Out of respect for his handicap I won’t ask him. Talk about being pranked! Some cruel people named a firggin’ manatee after him and he wet his pants thanking them.

Here’s the question.

Miami Beach is installing scores of pumps to fight the inevitable never ending high tide. We know that the Koch Brothers and Walmart are behind this but that’s a different question.

When the water starts to come in in a manner that would impress Noah and the pumps kick in where, pray tell, is the water going to go?

You can’t pump it East or South. Look at a map for the reason why. You can’t pump it North because the modern American Liberals in Broward County are champions of NIMBY. If you pump it West you endanger the misunderstood anacondas, the Florida panthers, and the gamboling gambling Redskins.

That leaves Utopia. By the by, you do know that utopia means Nowhere, don’t you?

I guess that leaves them in a box that, alas, ain’t waterproof. Maybe Solyndra, rising from the ashes like a corporate Phoenix, can figure out what to do with the H2O, with a lot of H2O.





I am betting that you will have Katy Perry make the announcement about your firm’s courageous decision to shun water related real estate business.

Last week you said that free college is good. How about a free Super Bowl next year? Bread and circuses worked for a while, remember?






Kevin Smith


PS – I am sending you a copy of a letter I sent to Lois Frankel, my Congresswoman. I think it is self-explanatory. It is 1:45 Sunday afternoon. Although I coached and played football I have had more than enough with analyses of 3rd down tendencies in the red zone and Tampa 2 coverage as an invitation to an inside running game. I will say that screwing around with the footballs is something that any crony capitalist from Massachusetts would be All-Pro at. Wasn’t Kraft a White House Lincoln Bedroom regular? I don’ know if you have kids but if you did please tell me that they went to public schools.