February 11, 2015

Professor Katherine Westaway
Professor of non-male gender studies
University of Miami
Coral Gables, FL 33124

RE: All hail Gloria Steinem! – some comments on her love in at the University of Miami as reported in today’s unlinkable Miami Herald.

My dear Professor,

I looooooove ballsy broads.

Gloria Steinem, she of the perpetual hectoring and caterwauling about how women don’t really need men, was able for the sake of her business – And will anyone, anywhere admit to having read her wretched magazine? – let Mort Zuckerberg, that’s Mister Mort Zuckerberg, apparently a proud possessor of a functioning prostate gland, get a leg over on her whenever she was coming up short on meeting her payroll. That’s keeping her eye on the ball, so to speak.

Donna Shalala, your boss, told us in 1997 that we would all be dead from AIDS in 10 years. That was 18 years ago. It seems not to have impeded her career. No chance of a double standard, right?

But enough about “them”.

I have some bad news for “you”.

I’ll try to be gentle. I know this is the first time for you.

Even though non-male gender studies will surely be the key to success in the technologically driven 21st century I am obliged to tell you in all “fairness” that you are a victim of wage discrimination. President Obama, inter alia, tells us that because you have to sit down to pee you are paid 78% of what your male counterparts earn. [I doubt if the Mighty U has a non-female gender studies program though]

Since it would make no sense to protest by throwing your bra – assuming you wear one – at Ms. Shalala I suggest you throw it, being careful to remove it first, at football coach Al Golden. He seems like a sensitive dude.

I read, in several outlets, of the tongue bath for Gloria Steinem that you led yesterday. I bowed my head and thanked the Gods for allowing the word “bullshit” to survive the anti-intellectual purgative cum tsunami that modern American Liberalism demands of its votaries. It – “bullshit” - is the canary in the coal mine who warns us when it encounters folderol such as yours. Excuse me. Nit-wit claptrap folderlol. Bait in “traps set by knaves for fools” would better describe it.

3 things:

#1 –“Lysistrata” shows what can happen when the ladies get their heads together. Never underestimate the vertical smile of the always tempting bearded clam. Never underestimate the power of the horizontal tango.
#2 –Although I am becoming more sympathetic to Creon “Antigone” is my favorite literary character with “Fat Jack” a distant second.
#3 – There were several sightings of Dr. Johnson’s famous hind-walking dog at the U yesterday. Can you confirm?






Kevin Smith



PS – A few more things before I go.

A – If you have any problems with the literary references send me a SASE.
B – Is Wordsworth still on the chick-lit shit list?
C – I am thinking of doing a study of the nexus of feminism, the Bermuda Triangle, the Koch Brothers, and the bullying of transgendered, regendered, degenedered, and ungendered overweight teens. Would you be willing to help me?
D – Your website features Noam Chomsky and Margaret Sanger about whom pitchforks must be raised. I have been reading Chomsky since the glory days of the New Frontier, the days of Jack and Jackie and Bobbie and Marilyn. Send up a flare when you find 5 coherent sentences, in a row, in anything he has ever written. And, with regards to Margaret Sanger, is she the same person who was the proud eugenicist who wanted to cull the herd of undesirables? Is she the same Margaret Sanger whose views on race and breeding became the foundation of Hitler’s 1934 Nuremberg Race Laws? Is she the same Margaret Sanger whose views provided one-way, non-refundable tickets to Auschwitz? If you are talking of the other Margaret Sanger, the noted arborist, equestrienne, jelly maker, ball room dancer extraordinaire, world class bridge player, and her day’s foremost docent and doyenne of the now forgotten legendary Viennese Butterfly, you should tell us lest some of us feel ill about you.