August 11, 2014
Judge Steven Brian Feren
Broward County Courthouse
201 SE 6th Street
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: What’s that smell? If the President of the United States, and let me say that he is the best President we have, can say HORSESHIT so can I.

Judge Feren,

Auras, airs past penumbras, decidedly non-redolent emanations, fill the Broward Courthouse.

Who says “Trousered Apes” are gone? Not I.

Apparently when you – both universally “you” and particularly “you” – managed to get your sorry, sad sacked asses and ass wrapped in black a mighty power descended on you. The laws governing gravity are suspended when you speak. Ozymandias and Canute have nothing on you. In an Ebola-like outbreak of judicial solipsism you have replaced Caesar dixit with Magister dixit.

I saw you on “County Line” yesterday.

Host Frank Loconto neither set verbal traps nor did he throw “gotcha” questions at you. By making sure that you were the focus of the conversation he let you first admire your bayonet and then sit on it.

Your condescension was so fulsome, so noxious, that it came through the TV.

You said you have never made a mistake on the Bench.
Further, you said that jury verdicts are good when
you agree with them and bad when you don’t.

For us mere mortals, particularly those of us who have served on juries, the chance to touch your hem, to have your shadow fall upon us, is a consolation devoutly to be wished. Doubtless you have never been overturned on appeal. In fact, have any of your decisions ever been appealed? Samuel, Cato the Younger, John Marshall, Roy Bean, Arthur Vanderbilt…it’s a short list. I am sure they will welcome you to it.


And yes, the Greeks do have a word for that.

HUBRIS

In Broward County, in modern American Liberal Broward County, a place soon to have non-photo ID manatee suffrage, a place where Dr. Mengele would be voted for because of his progressive views on abortion, it is oft-times called “Non-malodorus fecal matter syndrome”. You may want to send a SASE for the precise definition. A cat dead ten days and a dozen three week old randy knickers would be like spring lavender compared to the ordure coming from you.

Men with pitchforks, whips, and snarling hounds should drive you from the courthouse for fouling the air and despoiling the concept of Justice. How many times do we get to use the word “defenestration” correctly?

You won’t go empty handed. I hereby name you

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
JUDICIAL SECTION

To Hell with here comes the Judge! In your case it should be there goes the Judge. Permanently. Your future employment should be predicated on being an example in Judge school. A negative example. If not that there is always a need for a catcher on the Flaming Bags of Cat Shit traveling team.

Dickens said that “the law is a fool, the law is a ass”. Too bad he never heard about you.






Kevin Smith