August 15, 2014
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger Singerman
360 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Happy Days are really, really here again, especially for modern American Liberal chiropractors who manipulate, 24/7, modern American Liberal lawyers enabling both to enjoy a never ending Summer of Recovery.

Mr. Berger,

How tough is it to be a modern American Liberal lawyer? A tumescent group of rutting reptiles doesn’t put as much strain on their spines as you do. Cervical, thoracic, lumbar – Oh your aching back but you are an equal opportunity contortionist, aren’t you? The demands that the elders make of modern American Liberal votaries require mental and spiritual contortions that are the bane of mere mortals.

A “decent respect for the opinions of mankind” demands that I explain myself.

On August 3rd you blamed Governor Scott for “sea level rise”.

Mean, nasty, and smarmy are traits necessary for the survival of modern American Liberals, more so for modern American Liberal lawyers. Since wit and satire are alien to people, people such as you, who believe that “Midnight Basketball” and “Cash for Clunkers” are both sound public policies and that raising taxes and the minimum wage will cause the unemployment rate to drop. I am left with no choice but to believe that deep down, Honest Injun, you really, really believe that. It is, of course, dreck but for hacks like you who believe that inconvenient facts must never interfere with a gravity defying argument, you leave me no choice.

I wrote to you on 8/3 – copy enclosed – suggesting that as modern American Liberal lawyer you should not represent anyone involved in any transaction where flowing water can be seen from any part of the building. I said that unless the buyers were les merdes du Quebec you had to tell them not to buy because if Governor Scott is reelected the property would soon be a place for halibut, hake, and haddock humping. If they insisted on buying you were morally and ethically bound to tell them to find another lawyer to represent them.

I read this morning that your firm was involved in the closing of property on the Intracoastal in Fort Lauderdale. The announced price was $21,600,000. Doubtless some of the units will be Section 8, no? There is no sense in being a half-assed 1%er, is there? Just be sure to be a hypocritical one though’

I hope you are resting comfortably. Being packed in ice while being in traction can be uncomfortable, particularly when the vertebrae realign themselves in an East/West axis. That’s why drugs were invented. I have some extra Oxys available at market price should you want an off the books transaction. Don’t let the residents do the epidurals.

It seems that “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” is more common than we thought in the control group known as “modern American Liberal lawyers” – Broward County gang. Your smarminess knows no bounds.

Your unctuous Jeremiad of 8/3/14 tells us of the dangers of CO2. Here’s a simple solution, dear to the heart of mush-brained statists.

#1 – Don’t exhale. It is industrial strength CO2.
#2 – Outlaw photosynthesis. Damn those green plants!

At the very least you must turn off all A/Cs. Almost 50% of the electricity generated in this country comes from burning coal. [At least Tom Steyer sold his high sulfur/dirty coal to China and Malaysia. Thanks, Tommy boy.] Half of that power goes to run A/Cs. If you and your ilk want to undrown myriad polar bears you must do this. Plus, you will feel warm and fuzzy about yourself.

The next step is that all employees in your firm – partners excluded – must use public transportation to get to and from work.

Think Globally and act Locally.

Let me amend that. It’s easier to be ethically challenged when you suffer from the Fatal Conceit of believing that the horizon can be reached if enough men of good will desire it. Ugh. That means that beyond being a varlet you are a hypocritical varlet.





Kevin Smith



PS – Do you remember when Czarina Hillary the Hecate said that there was a “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” out there doing all sorts of evil things? I do. Do you suppose that the knuckle-dragging, bitter clinging, homophobic gun nuts of the Tea Party, financed by the evil Koch Brothers, are behind all the bad stuff going on? I don’t. I bet you do.