August 21, 2014
Chan Lowe
The Sun Sentinel

Mr. Lowe,

At the core of modern American Liberalism, in the kiln where warp and woof are double helixed, is the certainty that helping people, particularly those who can’t help themselves, is a good and noble thing. It enables card carrying, fire breathing zealots – as if there were any other kind, particularly in Broward County, the home of manatee suffrage – to ignore facts that interfere with an argument and to never, ever judge things by results, only by expectations. With this comes the responsibility of being firm and resolute when the untermenschen won’t finish their tofu and endive smoothies or won’t take their organic sensitivity pill.

Alas, your cartoon depicting Governor Scott not subscribing to the school of “If we don’t drown we’ll burn to death” is unlinkable.

Since Broward County is the epicenter of modern American Liberalism, a place of muted enthusiasm as we end the 5th year without the Messiah of a Summer of Recovery” tap dancing down the Intracoastal, there is the heightened need and obligation to help somebody, anybody.

I have been asking the Sun Sentinel since 1997 to take the lead, to be a trailblazer, to “walk the walk” on Global Warming. My request has been simple: Turn off all you A/Cs and demand that all your employees use public transportation getting to and from work.

The reason is crystal clear a la Tanqueray.

45% of the electricity generated in this country comes from burning coal. 50% of that electricity goes to run A/Cs.

Ergo, if you turn off all you’re A/Cs you strike a blow against coal, the Koch Brothers, bitter clingers and Tea Party dudes and dudesses, It would be ungentlemanly of me to comment on modern American Liberal hedge fund gasillioniaire Tom Steyer who has mined and sold millions of tons of high sulfur, AKA “dirty”, coal to the Chinese and Indonesians so I shan’t. Also the serendipity is that you help undrown all those polar bears.

Every year I ask and every year you put your head in the sand.

I have a new plan.

Despite overwhelming evidence of rising sea levels there is no end to people who want to buy waterfront property.
An acre of bay front property on Biscayne Bay just sold for $1,000,000,000. That’s “B” as in Billion. I understand that he closing was at low tide lest buyer’s remorse scotch the sale

The rule of res ipso loquitur does not apply to waterfront property. I don’t know how the buyer came by his billion but just think how much better that money could have been spent. Midnight Basketball and Cash for Clunkers and Shovel Ready Jobs leap to mind.

Since the outright banning of buying waterfront property is still a bit of a reach why not have a 72 hour cooling off period? The used car business, the aluminum siding business, and the renascent time share business seem to be doing OK with it.

Certainly no one in his right mind would buy property if he knew that he was 2 or 3 genetically altered neap tides and a Global Warming enraged full moon from having lobsters and surfers calling it home.

That’s why Broward County must step in.

These people can’t help themselves. A lot of people think that modern American Liberals suffer from a head up their ass condescension that is both beneath and beyond contempt. I am proud to say “Count me out”.

Together we can make a difference.

Then we’ll ban vaccines, starting with Salk and Sabin anti-polio shots. The possibility of being border line autistic and lactose intolerant with an uncertain gender identity problem is a risk not worth taking.

After that we’ll ban plastic.




Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET




PS – Full disclosure requires that I tell you that I fracked my first well in 1974. Further, as I write this I am wearing a cherished Father’s Day gift. It is a blue ball cap emblazoned with the words

PROUD GLOBAL WARMER