August 30, 2014
Mitchell Berger, Esq
Berger, Singerman
350 E. Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: As promised…

Mr. Berger,

First, the good news.

In a rare display of political comity a prominent Republican and a prominent Democrat have reached across the aisle, each to help the other. By this public display of harmony they may have made it possible to, if not to make government more productive, at least to make it less rancorous.

Republican Governor Chris Christie had lap band surgery last year enablinghim to lose more than 100 pounds. That loss did not go to waste. Czarina wanabee Democrat Hillary Clinton was the first to find it, She promptly added it to her waist. [Since I am calorically challenged I get a “get out of jail free” card so there

Governor Christie, known as a fierce advocate of recycling, worried that his pre-surgery suits would go to waste, so to speak. He tried to give them to America’s Cup yachtsmen to use them as sails for their 12 meter boats. The declined because the New York Yacht Club prohibits plaid sails, however muted and understated they may be.

Anyway, as soon as the Governor found out that Mrs. Clinton, having been reclassified as freight, was racking up frequent flyer miles on flying the friendly skies with UPS and FedEx.

Hillary is proof that nothing succeeds like excess. 6 rumkins of crème brulee, a gallon of whipping cream, an extra-large sausage pizza, and 2 quarts of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream being force fed to her every day as if she were a feral thug at Camp Gitmo will do that

It seems that her childhood idols – Oliver Hardy, Buddha, Alfred Hitchcock, Pooh, inter alia – served as role models. It is not unusual for her to have un grande media noche, 2 short stacks, and a pound of bacon before she heads out to the all you can eat buffet breakfast at the Injun casino

How fat is she?

She has spandex handkerchiefs.

One of the serendipities of her wearing Christie’s suits is that she won’t need a gallon of WD40 to get those thunder thighs into the pants. By the time it gets to the 2016 campaign she is going to have an ass so wide that you could set a chowder bowl on it.

Fairness and diversity requires me to say that Michelle Obama’s ass is getting close to Bella Abzug territory.

It should be quite a bidding war between Weight-Watchers and Nutri-System for her in 2017.

Who says the Voice of the Turtle cannot be heard in our fair land?

But I digress.

As promised….

We are, as Churchill said, “in a time of limitless peril”. It’s our fault. We, not I mind you, but we, voted for him twice. His skills as a community activist have not served him or we well. Indeed, the only concrete thing he ever did was to get a one million dollar – that’s $1,000,000 – earmark for the University of Chicago Hospital, his wife’s employer. Would it make me a cad to point out that she got a two thousand dollar – repeat - $2,000 a week raise right after the check cleared?

Coincidence? Sure. And the Cubs will win the World Series this year, too.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Putin looks at him and says “What a putz!”

He then says he has “no strategy”. It’s a shame we outlawed flogging.

There was a time when a Democratic President had, if not a strategy at least a plan, for this country.

He said were “tempered by war and disciplined by a bitter peace”. You may wish to look it up but the main theme of his campaign was to close the “missile gap”. [That the sitting President, having led 10,000,000 into battle and having Hitler eat his gun 11 months and 2 days after he landed in France would allow this nation to fall into peril is almost laughable but it worked, didn’t it?]

He said “we dare not tempt them with weakness”. It is another lesson, if we have the time, that we will have to learn again.

Finally, he said it “…is a long twilight struggle, year in, year out” that we are engaged in. Apologizing to all the thugs in the world and then wondering why they still piss in our soup, ignoring our Constitution and shunning the Rule of Law, and not having a clue as to what makes the dog hunt when it comes to “creating” jobs is a one way express ticket to Avernus.

Sir Arnold Lunn, surely one of the great men of the 20th century, coined the phrase “eclectic indignation” to describe the thought processes of modern American Liberals.

A Black teenager shot dead by a White policeman is evil and proof positive of racism. A White teenager shot dead by a Black policeman is down the memory hole never to see sunlight again.

Matthew Shepherd is mourned and idolized. The name Jesse Dirkhising is forgotten.

Koch Brothers – Bad. George Soros and Tom Steyer – Good.

Big oil – Bad. Solyndra – Good

Warren Buffett – Good. OOPS. Warren Buffett – Bad

No wonder ObamaCare encourages chiropractors.

Your backs make cork screws look like the 50 yard line.



Kevin Smith