August 14, 2014
Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg News
1399 New York Avenue
Washington, DC 20005

RE: “A target rich environment” – I’ll say this about modern American Liberals. “They never let you down.” Some comments on your offerings in today’s Miami Herald.

Ms. Carlson,

It’s been some time since I reminded you that you said that American GIs serving overseas were tax cheats who didn’t deserve to have their votes counted. Tempus sure fugits, doesn’t it?

I picked up my pen today because of your typical, I dare say prototypical, modern American Liberal smarminess.

“His opponent, Mitt Romney, didn’t have that foresight: He was
photographed jet-skiing past his lakeside mansion, reinforcing his
image as the kind of plutocrat who hides his money in the Caymans.”
The Miami Herald
Today
You

Some say that tu quoque is so 1990s. I ain’t one of them.

I am not familiar with the picture of Mitt Romney jet-skiing. Is it as good as the one of John Kerry wind surfing?

You write that Romney looks like someone who hides his money in the Cayman Islands. Do you think Kerry stashed the loot that he saved by avoiding taxes on the boat his mad cap Gypsy wife bought for him? I can’t say if it still is the paradigmatic template for 1% wretched excess but how many other boats have bowling alleys, Starbucks, and a drive-in movie theatre below decks? By the way, did high unionized wages in New England cause her to have the boat built in New Zealand?

[My quest for the truth about the possible business connections between Mrs. Kerry’s grandfather and President Obama’s great-great grandfather is ongoing. Confidential informants who, perforce, must remain confidential say that they were involved with the planting, cultivation, training, and transportation of, shall we say, involuntary migrant workers. It was and still is a common practice in Muslim dominated countries. Alas, some of the hard drives containing information about it have gone walkabout.]

“How someone spends their time when freed from shirt,
tie, pantsuit and handlers give us a rare glimpse
of who they really are.”
op cit

That’s like an off speed, letter high, batting practice pitch to a power hitter. You have to guard against overswinging.

Did you see the picture of the Clintons walking on the beach? Who took the picture? My guess is that Elizabeth Warren, AKA Princess SummerFallWinterWarren, teamed up with favorite photographer of the Koch Brothers to do the dirty deed. Several things are self-evident.

#1 – The dog has been bribed. He seems like a good hound. The only way he would walk with those 2 grifters would be if he had been promised 2 hind quarters from a Brahma bull and a weekend with Lassie.
#2 – Ex President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs is on his cell phone trying to score an “afternoon delight”. Down South they’re called “Nooners”. Plus, someone should tell him to ditch the socks. He’s on a beach, fercristsaskes.
#3 – I know they were “dead broke” when they left the White House. Through bake sales, 50/50s, tutoring, foreclosure defense inter alia she was able to put $100,000,000 into her political tin box, the better to prepare for their golden years. With that kind of dough she should have been able to afford someone who would hit her with a bat before she could be photographed in public wearing that Brobdanaglian blue muumuu. It was last seen on the roof of a hurricane damaged Walmart super store. Yankee Stadium, home of her “favorite” team, remember, could use it as an infield trap to keep the rain off the base paths. If you want to cure teenage boys of daydreaming about perfecting their twerking skills put a picture of her in every boy’s room of every high school in America. The birth rate will soon be negative. Industrial strength Viagra IVed could not overcome that. One more crème brulee and she will look like Buddha. She would make Chris Christie look like Gandhi. If you want to lose weight run around her. And if you want to commit suicide jump off her wallet.

In a show of support for diversity and inclusion Hillary is only a half a lap in front of Michele Obama, she of the blossoming booty. She is apparently grabbing all those unhealthy foods that teenagers crave and destroying them in an environmentally sensitive manner by eating them.

They’ll both be working for Nutri-System in a few years. They both use a lot of WD-40 if they want to get into their pant suits, into their Spandex pant suits. Not since the glory days of Bella Abzug has the word “steatyagonous” been heard in the land.

That’s all for now. I am starting the last leg of my summer vacation. I have so far been in 54 or 55 of Obama’s 57 or 58 states. My 2 Holy Grail quests – finding a Marine corpse and finding a copy of an Austrian/English dictionary - remain unfulfilled.

I’ll keep in touch.


Kevin Smith



PS – Speaking of modern American Liberal hypocrites, let me be the first to tell about Tom Steyer. He said he will spend $100,000,000 of his own money to help elect candidates who care about the environment. He once ran a hedge fund. He wants to undrown cute and fuzzy polar bears. Unlike Mitt Romney who ran a bad hedge fund, he ran a good hedge fund. Can you believe that this friend of the polar bears and foe of air conditioning mined dirty coal in Australia and Indonesia? Then he sold it to Japan and China where it polluted the atmosphere, destroyed the besieged ozone layer, and gave us GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChangeClimateDestruction. Stick around. It gets better. He made so much money for his clients that he advised them to stash it in – are you ready? - the Cayman Islands. “Non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, no? It is true that while all hedge funds are equal some hedge funds are more equal than others, right?