March 12, 2017

Senator Gary Farmer, Esq.

111 East Las Olas Boulevard

Fort Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Some comments on your mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel suggesting that maybe, just maybe, perhaps, you had someone else take your Florida Bar exam. 

Senator Farmer,

It may be time to update your photo.

You cavil about the “grievous and unacceptable legislation even though it further buttresses one of the bedrock principles of English speaking jurisprudence. Be seated because based on your public utterances this will come as a big shock to you.

The Presumption of Innocence

Don’t bother looking for it in any court ruled by Sharia law. There will be pig farms in Mecca, such farms being tended to by zoftig farm girls dressed in short shorts before that happens in any court where the dude with the gavel begins the proceeding with the chant Allah Akbar and Death to the Jews.

 

Something that could be a mitigating factor in re your asinine statements, one that could limit your time in Stupid Dumb Ass prison, could be that in your quest to impress Coach Bowden you played too much football without a helmet.

Read this carefully. I’ll type slowly.

Should I find myself accused of a crime I will stand before the Bar secure in the knowledge that I don’t have to prove myself innocent. The state must prove me guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. I am sure you were aware of that. Once. Maybe. I hope.

I suggest that you amend your will, assuming you have one, to donate your brain to science. Pass blocking without a helmet will leave you addled as you approach your golden years. Just think. You’ll be able to bury your own Easter eggs plus you’ll discover the joy of finding new episodes of the Honeymooners and Seinfeld. What a putz!

Kevin Smith