March 19, 2017

Anna Fusco

Broward Teachers’ Union

600 N. University Drive

Tamarac, FL 33321

RE: If you hear the words “friggin’ moron”, raise your hand. Some comments on your Homerically dumb mini Op-Ed on “sanctuary schools” in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Ms. Fusco,

First, you still haven’t corrected the thumb in your eye, turd in the punch bowl, error in re your organization. You say you are President of the Broward Teacher’s Union. I am going to go out on a limb here but I think you have more than one member. Out of respect to the memories of H.M. Fowler and Strunck & White it should be Broward Teachers’ Union. Honest. You could look it up.

How in the name of Socrates, John Henry Newman, and Robert Maynard Hutchins can you call yourself a teacher? I suppose if you take enough education credits the state will call you a teacher. It’s like barber school. The other barbers sit around and pass judgment as to who will be allowed to enter their profession. If that sounds like a combination in restraint of trade it’s because it is.

“uniformed, gun-toting strangers enter your classroom…”

I thought “uniformed, gun-toting strangers” snatched up Elian Gonzalez out of his closet. I don’t remember him being in school.

Pay attention, you boob. An important lesson will soon be taught. Perhaps not learned – In your case figuring out what to do with your thumbs would put you on the honor roll – but certainly well taught

“Thanks to our school board it won’t happen here.”

If that were the case – N.B. [that’s an abbreviation for Nota Bene, a Latin term for Note Well] that I use the subjunctive. Is that still taught in Broward? If the theory that Boards of Education can declare themselves sanctuary anything, Alabama public schools would still be segregated.

George Wallace stood in the door and told the United States government that they could not come in. The Feds said, “Step aside.” Wallace, “smart and no fool”, did.

I would have to stuff my ears with Silly Putty and Gorilla Glue and seal them with Duct Tape to keep my brains from exploding out if I thought you knew who John C. Calhoun and his Theory of Nullification was.

I’ll spare you the joys of discovery.

General Grant settled the science and declared the theory null and void at Appomattox on April 9, 1865. General Lee agreed. Has there been an unannounced change in the terms of settlement and surrender?

I tremble when I think that you have influence over the education of all those mush-brained utes in Broward County. 

Have you ever considered a career change? 

Foot-press operator? Keeping the ice cold at the local Palomino Club? Quality control at a balloon juice refill station? The dreaded private sector?

Anything to get you as far away from any and all schools as possible.

Kevin Smith

PS – Next time we’ll work on Shakespeare and imaginary numbers. Stay awake.