March 8, 2017

Abby Freedman

Broward Board of Education

600 SE 3^rd Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: The return of George Wallace and I can’t believe who is welcoming him. Some questions and comments on the ladies of the Broward County Board of Education soiling their knickers in the rush to welcome him.

Dear Abby,

For years, I have been advocating, some might say hectoring, that it is time to hold History teachers to the same high standards imposed on the football coach. My efforts have fallen short.

It is obvious no one among you has ever heard of John C. Calhoun’s Theory of Nullification. I won’t spoil the joys of a Google search for you but, like T.S. Eliot, I will start at the end.

Unlike the buncome in re A/Cs in Florida drowning polar bears, the Theory of Nullification is settled. It is null and void like Ptolemy and Fred Hoyle. After several decades of a full and frank discussion and after a most vigorous debate, indeed the most vigorous debate this country has ever had, the jury decided unanimously that Nullification didn’t work. The verdict was delivered at Appomattox on April 9, 1865. Look it up.

Alas, like Dracula and carping harridans, it won’t stay dead.

George C. Wallace stood, defiantly, in the front door of the school house and said, “The wind and the rain may enter but the King may not.” The King’s man stepped up and handed him a piece of paper and said, “Step aside.” Wallace, “smart and no fool”, stepped aside. Let the record show that standing behind that man were several dozen U.S. Marshalls, men with badges and guns, men who were ready to enforce the law. It seems that you have either forgotten or never learned that when it comes to Florida law v Federal law the Feds have all the high cards and you have to fill an inside straight.

And now the prospect of all Broward schools, by BoE ukase, becoming “sanctuary schools”, is beyond parody. Almost.

You, as Board chair, have drawn the short straw

If it is any comfort to you, as they drag your sorry ass to the Federal pokey, you can think of Socrates, Saint Paul, Thomas More, Nathan Hale, Robert Emmet, Thoreau, Gandhi, Cardinal Mindzsenty, Martin Luther King, Mandel, and Bernardo Olivieros, CSO. They regarded time in the nick as the same as a day at the beach.

You go girl!

Is it true that, even on Chick Day, female teachers in Broward are paid 79% of what male teachers are paid? [How many ladies were absent today? Will they be docked a day’s pay?]

Is it true that Obama was going to sign an executive order on Inauguration day mandating that Mrs. Clinton would be paid as much as he was? No uterine haircut for her, by crikey!.

Is it true that part of the FUBARed school construction bond will be used to retro-fit all the misogynistic urinals with toilet seats?

Is it true that people delivering mail to the Board of Education are now known as person persons? Is it true that when plumbers respond to an emergency on school property they access the pipes by descending through a person hole?

Is it true that all Broward basketball coaches must call it person to person defense? Same in football for pass coverage. Is it true that all Broward coaches of traditional male sports must exhort their teams by saying “Person up”?

Am I the only one to notice that all the members of the 9-member Board have to sit down to pee? Would that survive a close look by the gender equity police? Shouldn’t at least 4 seats be set aside for some guys? The “disparate impact” on girls trans gendering to guys must be enormous. Some of these inbetweeners have 5 o’clock shadows at noon. They need role models.

I’ll be with you, at least in spirit, at the barricades.

Wear old clothes and bring a tooth brush.

Kevin Smith

PS – Do know if any of the female teachers who did not take the day off have any seminars on why clitoridectomies, permitted and encouraged in countries under Sharia law, should be “discouraged” here? How about the stoning of women taken in adultery? It takes two to even do an unsuccessful horizontal tango. Wy not duct tape the guy and toss off the roof. Do any of your art teachers use the Mohammed cartoons as teachable moments? Just asking.